Dudley goes to Hogwarts
by Sarah Michelle
Summary: I meant this to be a comedy story. I hope everyone likes it!
1. The Letter

Dudley Goes To Hogwarts

**Dudley Goes To Hogwarts**

Harry was sitting on his bed in his room working on an essay on Venomous Tentacula when he heard a huge roar and shriek from downstairs. Rolling his eyes, he closed his Herbology book and went downstairs, just to find his Aunt Petunia and cousin Dudley crouching against one of the walls while Uncle Vernon tried to shoo away a handsome, tawny owl wich bears a letter in one of its claws.

"That owl!" he boomed in rage at the sight of Harry.

"Hey, that must be a letter from Hog- I mean my school", Harry said, recognizing the green ink on the envelope.

"Take that letter of yours and make it get away!"

Harry glared at Uncle Vernon and went over to the owl. "Thanks. You're a bit early, though", he said, remembering that it was only the 25th of July. Usually, owls bearing his school list would only arrive at July 31st. The owl hooted and flew out of the window.

Uncle Vernon opened the door and looked around to see if anyone had seen an owl flying into his window. From his face Harry knew that nobody was around. Harry rolled his eyes again and went to the living room to read his letter. But he was very surprised to see that it was not addressed to him, but:

**Mr. D. Dursley**

Number Four, Privet Drive 

Harry stared onto the envelope. Dudley? A wizard? Seriously? But then Harry remembered Uncle Vernon complaining about odd stuffs that always happens recently like flowers turning into beef bacons and the food floating by itself out from the fridge. He couldn't blame Harry, as he was out at his friend Ron's house for the past two weeks, so he treid to make it as hallucinations and all other sorts of make-up stories.

"Hey Dudley", he called as his porky cousin waddled across the room to switch on the television. "A letter for you."

Dudley looked at him with curious eyes and grasped the letter from his hand. He read the envelope and his face went white- perhaps because he saw the Hogwarts badge there. 

"MUUUUUMMMM!!!" he shouted and ran out towards the kitchen. "MUUUUMMMMM, I got a letter from HARRY'S SCHOOL!!!!"

* *

"NEVER!!" Uncle Vernon shouted in so much rage Harry was sure the roof nearly fell. "I- NEVER-THOUGHT................ DUDLEY!!"

The Dursleys were in the kitchen, all too shock at the arrival of the letter. Harry was forced to sit there as well, and he tried to entertain himself by watching Dudley sobbing and Aunt Petunia's white face. Harry could tell that Aunt Petunia was pondering whether to comfort his son or not. Dudley is the apple of her eyes, but he's a WIZARD! 

Uncle Vernon looked down to Dudley, then to Harry. His nostrils turned so purple Harry feared it would break. "Is this some kind of joke you're putting on Dudley?" he demanded angrily. 

"I won't send anything that concerns my school without permission", Harry said. Then continued _especially not you guys_ but only in his heart. 

"Don't worry, Duddykins. Mummy won't send you to that school!" Aunt Petunia finally flung her arms around her son. "Would we, Vernon?"

Uncle Vernon didn't say anything. Hary knew what is in his mind. If he send Dudley to Hogwarts, he'd have to face the facts that he had given birth to a magic person- and Vernon Dursley never want another wizard to do with him. Having Harry was more than enough. But if he don't send his son to Hogwarts, he'll have to put up with flying object and unusual sights all through the years. And based on the experience with Harry...........................

"Where can we buy those spellbooks and wands?"

* * 


	2. First step

Harry lay on his bed, listening to Dudley sobbing next door

Harry lay on his bed, listening to Dudley sobbing next door. He knew that Uncle Vernon's decision shocked Dudley and his mom to the back of their teeth. Dudley had kicked a terrible temper throughout the evening. He thrashed his room, hit his father with his old Smeltings stick, then broke it into two when Uncle Vernon had ignored him. He kept bawling to his mother. "I don't want to go to that freak place……… I don't want to leave my friends…… I'm going to hate it there……" but nothing could be done. Uncle Vernon had called Smeltings and unregistered Dudley.

Harry grinned. He knew he should feel sorry for Dudley- and irritated. But Uncle Vernon had always called him as abnormal as he can be. Now he has to accept that the 'abnormality' runs in his family too."

Harry then got up and went outside. He was about to reach the stairs when he heard Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia's voices squabbling in their bedroom.

"How could you agree to let Dudley go to that school? How could you?"

"So you want to let Dudley stay in Smeltings and do all those magic stuff? Do you want to humiliate yourself?"

"I'm sure if we keep him a little longer, we'd be able to stamp it out of him…….."

"We thought the same of that nephew of yours. But look at him now!"

"But Vernon-"

"I told you millions of times I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! You know how Dudley is when he's in his temper. Remember Mr. Mason's visit? What if the same thing happens later on? It's the best we send Dudley to where he can't humiliate himself- or us! Even if he had to go to that good-for-nothing school!"

The rest of it was quiet, but Harry return to his bedroom with gritted teeth. So they thought Hogwarts is a good-for-nothing school, eh? He'll show them……

**

About two weeks before term starts, Harry told the Dursleys that he'd be going to buy his school things with his friends Ron and Hermione. Uncle Vernon huffily agreed, against Aunt Petunia's judgement. Dudley refused to go, but then obeyed when he saw his father giving him the look he had never seen- or been given- by him. 

They drove to London where Harry pointed out the Leaky Cauldron (he remembered it ever since Hagrid brought him in first year) and entered. The Dursleys were clearly shocked to see how warmly Harry was greeted by the people in there- though they don't show it much. Harry was about to tap the third brick with his wand when he heard a familiar booming voice.

"Harry!"

It was, of course, Rubeus Hagrid, Hogwarts gamekeeper. He was waving madly at Harry and he waved back. Dudley whimpered and cowered behind his mother. 

"Hi Hagrid", Harry cried happily.

"How're yeh? And what're they doin' here?" Hagrid muttered, jerking his head towards the Dursleys.

Harry told them, and Hagrid chuckled. "Seriously? Yer cousin? A wizard?"

Harry bit his lip, trying not to laugh. "Aw c'mon Hagrid. It's not good to laugh at a new wizard." Uncle Vernon looked at Hagrid with loathing eyes.

"Anyway, Hagrid. I gotta go. I have to meet Ron and Hermione and buy my books."

'Yeah. See yeh at Hogwarts then", he gave Dudley a little grin. "And yeh too, Duddy."

Aunt Petunia bit her lips.

Harry then tapped the brick with his wand and it swung open, revealing the wizarding world of shops. Harry turned and saw the Dursleys staring with their mouths hanging open like a bunch of dead fish.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley." 


	3. In Diagon Alley

Not wasting any more time, Harry walked into Diagon Alley as casual as Dudley walking into an ice-cream parlour

Not wasting any more time, Harry walked into Diagon Alley as casual as Dudley walking into an ice-cream parlour. the Dursleys followed hesitantly, led by Uncle Vernon. The swarming crowd of peculiar-looking people wearing robes and carrying odd object were really too much for the Dursleys. Harry was sure Aunt Petunia was going to faint when they passed an old, wiry-haired witch selling mint humbugs outside the apocathery.

"Harry!"

Harry turned irritably at the voice, clearly was distracted by Aunt Petunia and Dudley's petrified faces. But his face went bright again at the sight of his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger waving at him excited.

"Hi Harry!" Hermione greeted him. "How nice to meet you again!"

"Hi Hermione", Harry beamed. "Bought your new books yet?"

"Nope, we're supposed to buy it together remember?"

"Hey Ron", Harry called at his other friend. 

"Hi", Ron's freckled face beamed. "Thank goodness you're finally here. You saved my ears from Hermione's gloat on her prefect badge!"

"So you're a prefect eh, Hermione?" Harry asked.

Hermione took a silver Hogwarts badge with 'Prefect' under it from her pocket and showed it to Harry. "Isn't it beautiful?" she gushed.

"In a way, yes", Harry muttered. The badge was so shiny Harry was sure he could see his face reflecting clearly on it. Hermione clearly had polished it over and over again since the day she received it.

"She's been going on about it for the past two and a half hours", Ron moaned. "And I thought Percy was the worst."

"You're just jealous", Hermione said briskly.

"Oh duh, I'm not jealous of you if you pay me, Hermione", Ron rolled her eyes. 

'Uh-Hum!" suddenly Uncle Vernon cleared his throat loudly to get Harry's attention.

Harry smirked. "Yeah, guys. This is Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and my cousin Dudley."

Hermione gave a weak smile while Ron smirked at Dudley. Harry had told them about Dudley's coming to Hogwarts.

The Dursleys only looked at the two. "Okay. Let's start our shopping. We've got loads to do", Harry called, annoyed. It was more than enough that the Dursleys treat him like some sort of filth, they didn't have to treat his friends the same way too.

"Mum's at Gringotts with Hermione's parents. C'mon", Ron said, and led the way.

"Gringotts?" Uncle Vernon suddenly asked. "What in tarnation is Gringotts?"

"Wizards bank", Harry said simply. "You'll have to change money there."

"Change money?"

"What, you don't expect to use pounds and pences to buy spellbooks, do you?"

Uncle Vernon looked taken aback at Harry's answer. Harry was determined not to be bullied by Uncle Vernon anymore. This is _his_ world. Uncle Vernon will have to do as _he_ says. Uncle Vernon didn't answer, but continued to walk haughtily.

Arriving at Gringotts, Harry caught sight of Ron's mom talking to Hermione's mom. Ron's little sister Ginny was next to them. It appears that Mr. and Mrs. Granger finally managed to get along with wizards and witches just fine. (Hermione's parents are Muggles, by the way)

"Getting friendly eh?" Harry asked.

"Well, mom's getting particularly interested about Muggle dental treatment", Ron said. 

"Ah, here's Harry!" Mrs. Weasley greeted warmly as she saw Harry.

Harry smiled embarrasedly when Mrs. Weasley gave him a hug, then grinned politely at Mrs. Granger.

"Hello Harry. Hermione told me a great deal about you", Mrs. Granger said to him.

"Good things I hope", Harry murmured, and they laughed.

"And this must be?" Mrs. Granger asked, noticing the Dursleys.

"My uncle, aunt and cousin", Harry said.

"Katrina Granger, how do you do?"

"Vernon Dursley. And this is my wife Petunia and son, Dudley."

"You must be Muggles too. I've never seen you anywhere here before."

"Yes, we are norm- I mean _Muggles_. But my son is starting at Hogwarts this year."

Harry noticed Uncle Vernon said this with a tone of pure shame.

Mrs. Granger's face changed slightly. 

"Excuse us for a moment, Mrs. Granger. But we must get our money now", Mrs. Weasley said quickly.

"Sure, Hermione's father is changing Muggle money as well. Why don't you change yours, Mr. Dursley?"

Harry decided to leave the Dursleys as quickly as he could. So he grabbed Ron's arm and they headed for the counter, where a goblin was summoned to help them.

When they got back, Harry's leather bag was jangling merrily with Galleons, Sickles and knuts. He saw the Dursleys was still there by the counter waiting for him. Uncle Vernon and Dudley were looking at the wizard money as if they're something from outer space while Aunt Petunia tried to cock up a conversation about how mad the wizarding world is to Mrs. Granger.

"-And Muggles? How could they call us such a name, don't you agree Mrs. Granger?" Harry heard Aunt Petunia said.

"Well, I think that name is great", Mrs. Granger replied firmly. "A lot of useful things here really, Mrs. Dursley. My Hermione always send us Stringmints- a kind of sweet that helps clean the teeth- very useful as my husband and I are both dentist."

Aunt Petunia didn't answer, she simply nodded meekly. 

It was quite a shopping trip. Harry got himself new books, new robes and new Potions supply. The Dursleys got Dudley his too, thought Aunt Petunia wrinkled her nose at the sight of Dudley's new uniform. She actually half-fainted when they went to the apocathery and had to buy scallywags and frog-spawns and all sorts. Dudley squealed with anger and pain when Ron put a live water-beetle into his shirt, which Uncle Vernon trod on and make it looked like a crunched cookie. 

"Ah, it doesn't matter", Ron murmured to Harry after being scolded by his mom for "frightening the poor boy". "I'll have loads of fun with that pig at Hogwarts."

The last thing bought for Dudley was the wand. And his was "eight feet, yew and dragon's poo."

"Well that's something", Harry muttered as Ron rolled with laughter when he told him. He glanced at the Dursleys. "You never told me dragon's poo is actually magic, Hermione?" he asked Hermione.

"It does. The problem with you two is that you never want to pay attention in Potions", Hermione said abruptly.

"Do you think we've got nothing better to do than look at Snape's oily face?" Ron said, holding his side to prevent it from bursting. 

****************************


	4. Up the Castle Steps

The night was perfectly cold when Harry stepped out from the Hogwarts Express

The night was perfectly cold when Harry stepped out from the Hogwarts Express. He looked around and saw Hagrid over the sea of dark heads, yelling the usual "Firs' years this way!" he noticed Harry, Ron and Hermione and waved, then chuckled at the sight of Dudley in his huge black robes. 

"Come along, we've got to move", Remus called, dragging Sirius which now has transformed into a dog. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Dudley hurried out from the Hogsmeade Station and reaches hundreds of invisible horse-carriages (only the horse, not the carriage) They headed towards a silvery one and Ron opened the door. Harry winked at Ron and the turned to Dudley.

"Dudley, you're not coming with us", Harry said, trying to sound serious.

Dudley's face dropped 6 feet lower. 'Wh-what?"

"You're not with us", Harry said. "The tradition of Hogwarts is that every first-timers ride a boat to the castle. You'll have to go with Hagrid."

"Hag- Hagrid?" Dudley choked. "You mean that big hairy man?"

Harry was slightly annoyed. "Yes, come on. I'll bring you to-"

"Harry, stop it", Hermione snapped from the carriage. "We'll be late. Come on, Dudley. Up to the carriage. Don't listen to them."

Dudley looked at Hermione bewilderedly and reluctantly climbed up, where he edged as away as he could from the huge black dog. Sirius bared his teeth playfully at him, and Dudley looked as if he'd rather walk to the school than be with either this huge dog or that big giant.

After an hour or so in the carriage, they arrived at the ernomous castle of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry smiled at the sight of it, but Dudley looked as if he was to stay in a Dracula Castle. "You'll like here soon", Hermione promised. She decided to be kind to the scared looking boy- unless he showed that he's nastier than Malfoy that is!

"You know something strange?" Harry asked. "What?" Ron asked back. "We haven't seen Malfoy all day", Harry said. 'Why, you miss him?" Ron teased. "No!" Harry replied. "It's just........... I dunno........ weird."

"I tell you, I don't miss Malfoy more than I miss the Skrewts last year", Ron said idly. "Or even Snape."

"Yeah", Harry said. "Actually it's better off without-"

"Hey, Potter!" a familiar drawling voice.

"..........Draco Malfoy", Ron said with a sigh. "I told you to be careful with what you wish for!"

Waltzing towards them, was a silver-blond haired boy with the usual cold sneering smile. "Still alive aren't you Potter?" he said.

"Yeah, why?" Harry shot back. "Did you miss me?"

"I heard your cousin's coming to Hogwarts, Potter", Malfoy said. "How come he came in so late?"

"None of your business. So buzz off", Harry snarled.

But Draco already saw Dudley heaving his fat body down the carriage. "That's your cousin, Potter?" he laughed out loud. "No wonder he's a late starter. I expect his magic blood is drowned under pieces of fat in his flesh."

"Shut up Malfoy", Harry said angrily. 

"Come on." Remus grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him back. Before they left he said to Malfoy. "If you hate people saying things about your family, don't say anything about the others'."

Malfoy only looked his nose at him. 

"Don't get your temper to big on him, Harry", Ron said. "After all, he only slagged Dudley."

"He's not getting away with anything from me", Harry said. "I'd get mad if he slags Uncle Vernon."

Dudley glared at both of them. 

"DUDLEY DURSLEY!"

this time Dudley jumped and nearly cowered when he saw a very strict-looking old lady. Professor McGonagall, Hogwarts' Deputy Headmistress marched towards them. Remus went up to her and smiled to her. "Hello professor", he said.

"Good day to you, Remus," said McGonagall. She peered at Dudley before saying. "You'll have to come with me now, Mr. Dursley. You too Potter, if you please."

Harry looked at her, then nodded to Ron and Hermione. "I'll see you later", he said. 

With that, he, Dudley, Remus and Sirius (Snuffles as a dog) followed McGonagall across the corridor to her office.


	5. Dudley's Sorting

Harry stepped into McGonagall's office, reluctantly followed by Dudley

Harry stepped into McGonagall's office, reluctantly followed by Dudley. He was quite surprised to see Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster sitting there, with the Sorting Hat next to him. He gave both Harry and Dudley a kind smile. "Hello Harry. Had a good trip?" he asked. Harry only grinned. "Take a seat, Potter", McGonagall instructed behind him. Dumbledore, meanwhile, was looking at Dudley. 'Hello Dudley. I'm Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School", he said kindly to the scared-looking boy. "As your cousin might have told you"- Dudley glanced at the bouyant-looking Harry- "all the students in Hogwarts are sorted into four different houses, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Each house has its own noble history and has produced a number of outstanding witches and wizards. You shall live with your housemates like a family- you will learn with them, have meal at your house table and spend your free time in your house common room. Each of your triumphs or mis behavings shall also win or lose house points.

"Well, since you enrolled in Hogwarts a little late, Professor McGonagall and I thought it would be better if you are sorted into your house privately." Dumbledore turned and nodded at McGonagall, who told Dudley to sit on the chair and put the Sorting hat on. Dudley did so, and while waiting Dumbledore spoke to Harry. "Jumpy boy, isn't he?"

Harry swallowed a laugh. "He's been like that since he got his letter."

Dumbledore smiled back.

About three minutes (Harry was expecting at least an hour) the Sorting Hat screamed "GRYFFINDOR!"

'What?" Harry blurted. _Dudley? Brave? Daring? Eugggghhhhh!!!_

Even McGonagall wrinkled her nose.

'Well!", Dumbledore clapped his hands cheerfully. "Then that settles it. Dudley shall be in Gryffindor- along with you, Harry. Maybe you can introduce him to the rest of your year."

__

No way! Harry thought, and bit his bottomlip to prevent himself from saying it out loud.

"Very well, now. Let's get back to the Hall. We still have the first years to be sorted, and there is some new delicious custard cake I'd like to sample", Dumbledore said. "Harry?"

Harry, who was just about to walk out from the office, turned.

"Not too much trouble, will you?"

Harry smiled sheepishly. 

While walking up to the Great Hall, Dudley was freaking about the Sorting Hat. "It talked to me!" he exclaimed.

__

Of course it does, you bufoon! Harry thought. "Yes, Dudley", he instead said. "It's a magic hat, of course it could talk."

They did not spoke until they reached the Hall, where Harry took a seat between Ron and Hermione. Dudley sat across them. Ron frowned at him, then grinned mischievously.

As usual, the Sorting Ceremony began. Harry saw Remus sitting among the staffs, Snuffles sitting well-behaved next to him.

After the last student was sorted, Dumbledore stood up and said pleasantle, "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I just want to give a few short notices before we sink out teeth into the delicious meals.

"I am unhappy to state that the visit to Hogsmeade this is limited to the fifth years and above only. The third and fourth years must stay withing the school grounds at all time, due to safety reasons."

There was a buzz on disappointed voices from the fourth and third years. Dumbledore held his hand to bade for silence.

"On a happier note, I am pleased to inform you that Professor Howell has kindly agreed to fill the post as Defence Against Dark Arts teacher and join the Hogwarts community."

A redhead witch Harry didn't notice earlier stood up and gave a prompt bow as the whole Hall applauded. A few minutes later it died again.

"Now", Dumbledore said. "let the feast begin!"

after the meal, Hermione led the Gryffindors up to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "the password's 'Athena's Sword'!" she yelled to the Gryffindors.

"Some prefect, isn't she?" Ron said to Harry.

But Harry hadn't much thought of it. After the meal, he realized how tired he was. By ten minutes later, he was already snoring on his four-poster bed, not caring an inch of Dudley looking awkwardly at his cubicle.


	6. The First Day

Harry was awakened the next morning by a horribly familiar snoring sound from the end of the dormitory

Harry was awakened the next morning by a horribly familiar snoring sound from the end of the dormitory. It took him a few seconds before remembering that Dudley Dursley is at Hogwarts as a wizard, and that he is a Gryffindor like him. 

Dragging himself up, Harry get dressed and poked his head into Ron's cubicle to see his friend still sleeping. "Ron, wake up", he said. But Ron didn't stir. "Captain Potter assigning Liutenant Weasley to wake up. It's MORNING!"

Ron groaned a little, and turned away.

Harry grinned, and grabbed a pillow from his bed before throwing it to Ron. It hit him on the head.

"Wha..." he murmured and blinked at Harry.

"Rise and shine, Ronald Weasley. Or you'll get a two-hour lecture about lateness from Miss Know-It-All-And-Newly-Appointed-Prefect", said Harry.

Ron grinned and sat up, yawning and stretching himself. Seamus Finnigan, who had just awakened, went to Harry. "Aren't you going to wake that cousin of yours up? I tried but he won't get up."

Harry smiled, and went to Dudley's bed (Which, by the way, sank so low at his weight) and looked at his cousin. "There are two ways you can wake Dudley up. One is by being all syrupy- which is only used by his mom- and the other is like this......." Harry bent until his mouth was an inch from Dudley's left ear and bellowed, "DUDLEY! WAKE UP YOU FAT PIG!"

Dudley jumped- and i _mean_ jumped. The four-poster bed nearly cracked when he landed back on it. He looked at Harry with a mixed expression of anger and alarmed.

"It's breakfast time, Dudders", Harry said casually, trying to stop himself from laughing. "Get dressed- with your school robes, I mean- andbring along your books. Lessons starts today."

"What?" Dudley muttered. "But the first day is supposed to be the orientation day, not lessons!"

"this is not Smeltings, Dudley", Harry replied patiently. "Now get up. You're gonna be late for breakfast. I'll wait for you, but only for today. You'll have to find you ways around on your own by tomorrow."

Dudley looked as if he's going to cry. Seamus, as a Prefect, bade him to hurry up, and he forced himself to. Harry and Ron went down to the Gryffindor common room to see Hermione waiting.

When Dudley finally was ready, they went down to the Great Hall for breakfast. For the first time since he was there Dudley actually ate three plates of bacon and eggs. Harry looked at Ron and Hermione with a grin. "What did I tell you?" he whispered. "Dudley can never resist food."

Just as Harry finished saying that, Dudley gave a loud, terrified squeak and crashed from his seat. "Dudley! What's the matter?" Harry asked. 

"Ow-Owls!" he squealed. "Lots of them!"

It was time for the morning post, and Hundreds of owls flew into the Hall bearing parcels and letters for their owners. Neville Lonbottom, an accident-proned boy with memory problems in Harry's year, had a large parcel dropped on his plate of porridge by a large barn owl.

"It's the morning post Dudley", Hermione explained. "Here we got our letters and things by owls. They're like postmen in Muggle-world, see?"

"Trust Hermione to explain everything", Ron grinned at her. "Good thing you're born Muggle!"

"What's this 'Muggle' you're talking about??" Dudley asked crossly. "Can't you just call it 'human'?"

'Well, Muggle is a polite way in our worl to call a wizard or witch from a non-magic family, like yours", said Ron. "The impolite way is MUD-BLOOD!"

'Ron, stop it", Hermione said sharply. "Oh, here's Professor McGonagall. I think she's going to give us our time tables. I can't wait to start Defence Against The Dark Arts. It's pity Remus is not our teacher. Wonder how's the new teacher going to be?"

McGonagall indeed gave them their timetables, and told Dudley not to forget to write his name on whichever extra class he's taking. "What are the extra classes?" he asked.

"You have to go to at least two other classes aside from Transfiguration, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Astronomy, Herbology and Potions", said Hermione. "You can choose whichever you want. Harry and Ron is in Divination and all of us took Care of Magical Creatures-"

"-And Hermione took all the other three classes, case you'd like to know", said Ron.

"So what'll you pick?" asked Harry, hoping that Dudley won't join the same class as he.

He got his wish, as Dudley, meaning to be independent, muttered, "Muggle Studies and Care of Magical Creatures." 


End file.
